Closed Doors and Big Cash Prizes

Did I mention I’m on a diet? I got a little freaked out when I visited my doctor last week. She suggested a high protein/low carb diet. I basically get to eat meat and….meat. With my pound of steak or pork, I also get 4 green beans and no dessert. I can have dessert as long as it’s protein; say like custard, but with no sugar. It’s kind of like having scrambled eggs for dessert. I have a little added incentive to stay on this diet, since I’m going to Buenos Aires in three weeks. I found this amazing deal on travelzoo.com and it’s only costing me $500 bucks including hotel. In anticipation of my upcoming trip, I took out that little black dress from the back of the closet, pulled on my black boots, and practiced the Tango in front of the full length mirror. I couldn’t help noticing that my little black dress seemed lumpy in places, and every time I did one of those tango turns, the skin on my arms, (where most people have tricep muscles) was waving back and forth in time to the music. How much weight can I lose in three weeks? I guess it depends on how many ways you can cook chicken or beef.

In the morning, I have to skip my usual Krispy Kreme donut, and read the Washington Post with only coffee with sweetner and cream. I have found that reading the paper without my donut is truly an arduous undertaking. Since the news is never good, I read an article, take a bite of a donut, and go on reading more bad news. When the donut is gone, I toss the paper into the recycle bin and get ready for work.

This morning I picked up the post and read the headline:

Closed Door Deal Makes $22 Billion Difference

So I read on and apparently back in December when our lawmakers were trying to cut a crapload of pork out of the budget, GOP leaders from the House and Senate met in a closed door meeting because lobbyists for private HMO's were freaking about the proposed $22 billion in cuts. So a handfull of Republicans met in some secret room in the Capital to work out a deal without the press, without C-Span, and without any Democrats. At the end of this secret session, the HMO's walked out with $22 billion in taxpayer money. All the time I was reading the article, I kept reaching for my donut. In the donut's place, was a bag of high protein soy chips. I kept eating the soy chips until they were gone and I had to get dressed for work. I was so bloated from all of the salt and protein, that when I went to zip my slacks, I had to inhale three times before the zipper complied.

Look, I'd really like to rant a little more about slimy Republicans and the Great American Tax Dollar Give-Away, but I've got a side of beef, slow-roasting in the oven, and it's just about time to baste it.

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