How Far Will a Dollar Get You?

I was really pleased with the stock market rally this week, and I would be celebrating right now, after seeing my retirement fund grow, but I am so tired from the 70 hours I put in this week, that my celebration will have to wait until I can get a day off. In the Foodservice industry, it's the kickoff of the Holiday Season, beginning with Rosh Hashanah, and ending with Superbowl Sunday. From now until the end of January, I will either be smack in the middle of hungry customers, clamoring for turkey and stuffing, or Honey Glazed Ham, or Buffalo Wings, or I will be planning for the next chaotic occasion. When one ends, another begins, and there is no slowing down for the rest of the year. This week, I have been making kugel, matzoh balls, and potato latkes by the hundreds. I'm so good at making latkes, that my customers request my Irish Catholic ones, even though I make them without schmaltz. I have no idea how to make schmaltz(or even how to spell it), it is a rendering of chicken fat, maybe dating back to the time of Moses, when there was such a lack of food, that you had to use up every bit of the chicken in order to survive. Today is the beginning of Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. I'm not Jewish, so I imagine atonement to be like the Catholic Penance, the prayers you say for forgiveness, after you've confessed your sins. My Penance, or Atonement, (pick your flavor of religion) was having to make 1500 potato latkes without the schmaltz.

I hope it was enough to get forgiveness, from both Gods. If not, there's always Chanukah, Christmas, Easter, Passover, Ramadan, and the Feast of the Virgin Mary.

Anyways, I was thinking about retirement when I came home from work today. Can you blame me? I was dreaming of that little place in Cortona, with the pastry shop around the corner, filled with canolis. I was imagining the restaurant with the hot waitress, (her name is Isabella) and warm Tuscan bread with olive oil. I looked at my retirement funds, all doing well, and then I looked at the currency exchange rates. Wow! Okay, so in Europe, my retirement dollars are worth 70 cents. In Britain, they're worth 49 cents. Hmmmn...Canada is not so bad...oh but I lose 3 cents on the dollar. Australia is a great place, I used to get 50 cents on the dollar, but today, I'd lose 15 cents.

So no retirement in Europe. Hey! 64 shillings to a dollar in Kenya! But they don't have canolis in Kenya. Bingo! 16,129 Vietnamese Dongs to 1 US Dollar...But what the F is a dong? I'm not sure I like the sound of that. And will I have to eat canolis with some sort of strange filling?

I'm not sure about this economic recovery. On a bank statement, it looks great, but in real life, I'm not confident that it's going to finance my future. Maybe it's time for me to learn how the old folks survived, saving the unsavory parts of the chicken, and learning what it truly means to atone.

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