Our Blue Voice partner Tanker was fretting in her last post about what a cluster[Cheney] the Iraq War has become and how the Shi'a are taking over and so forth. As I read her post, I suddenly felt the spirit of Karl Rove coming upon me.
I wasn't sure what it was at first, but, yes, yes, I see it now! Cherubic Karl floating on clouds of OxyContin. Yes, I can feel the power ... ahhhh. [breathing deeply] ... Reagan is god ... freedom is on the march...
Okay, I'm ready to give the Patriotically Correct advice now. Tankwoman, you need to get with the program here. It sounds like you've been reading stuff like that Salon piece by that sympathizer with The Terrorists, Juan Cole; it was called The Iraq war is over, and the winner is ... Iranor something like that.
Now, first of all, you should know better than to be reading stuff by somebody named "Juan". I mean, a guy with a name like that could be Brazilian or something. You know, like that Brazilian guy in London who started running when a bunch of plainclothes cops he had never seen before in his life started chasing him and telling him to stop. He forced them into chasing him down and pinning him on the ground and pumping five bullets into his head.
And then you go listening to guys named "Juan"? Come on, if you start to do stuff like that, The Terrorists will have already won. And despite what guys named "Juan" might say - did I mention he's an admirer of The Terrorists? - we said all along that our goal was to install a Shi'a regime in Baghdad! Yeah, yeah, I know liars like Joe Wilson and CIA undercover agents that I'll be happy to tell you their names - but it would be wrong (I've always loved that Nixon line, haven't you?) - I know they're claiming we were talking about WMDs, whatever those are.
But every patriotic Bush supporter knows that's not true. I mean, look, Congress voted for it! John Kerry, Dianne Feinstein, and a whole bunch of other normally worthless liberal Democrats voted to go to war to install a Shi'a regime in Iraq. Now they're acting like that's not what they wanted. Typical lying, deceitful liberals!
And what's so wrong with installing a Shi'a regime? Why do guys named "Juan" oppose it? Do they just hate our freedoms? Or is there a more sinister motive?
Anyway, that Great American Patriot Ollie North was selling weapons to the Iranians, and they're a bunch of Shi'a. And Ollie is red, white and blue to the bone marrow. And he was persecuted by the lying liberals who want to offer The Terrorists therapy, so it just goes to show you!
And, yeah, I know they whine about how he was selling weapons to Iran when we were backing Iraq in a big war between the two. Now how silly is that? Everybody knows all the liberals love Saddam, and now they try to pretend they didn't think it was a good idea to back him then. Those liberals are just a bunch of two-faced ... well, anyway.
Of course there were fine patriotic and Christian reasons to back Saddam against those Iranian Shiites. They were Iranian Shi'a, and everybody knows the Iraqi ones are totally different. And besides, those Shi'a were all acting like a bunch of fanatics, and taking American diplomats hostage, and bad-mouthing America, and stuff like that. We had to back Saddam against them.
What difference did it make that he was gassing his own people? I mean, he was a dictator, as bad as Hitler and Stalin - no, worse even. Everybody knows that. What did those liberals expect, that he was going to pussyfoot around with the Kurds when he had radical Shiites to fight? Iran is part of the Axis of Evil you know and, and, The Terrorists cut off people's heads, and, uh...
Wait, no, something's going wrong ... vision getting hazy... Shi'a good ... always intended ... Saddam evil, Iran evil ... freedom is marching ... everything breaking up ...
Oh, man, where have I been? What happened to me? I dreamed I was marrying Mad Annie Coulter, and Richard Perle was my best man, and James Dobson was performing the ceremony. I've got to stop buying wine at WalMart, I tell you!
