Happy readers - Plus: Helping CENTCOM to spread The Truth
I got the following fan mail dated 02/27/03 in response to one of my Blue Voice posts last week:
Hi, Bruce:
I caught your post re: BG Kimmitt and CENTCOM. I wanted to let you know that the U.S. Central Command webpage, http://www.centcom.mil , features news, photos, video and audio from Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom, with contributions from all of the Coalition countries. I thought it might be a helpful resource for your readers. You're welcome to use any materials you find on our site. If you'd like to be signed up from the weekly electronic newsletter and monthly Coalition Bulletin, just ask!
If you could add a link to the CENTCOM website, that would be great (I'm trying to spread the word about our site!). I'm attaching the CENTCOM logo, should you want to use it with the link.
Thanks!
SPC C. Flowers
CENTCOM Public Affairs
I was pretty pleased with myself that my golden prose had attracted interested readers from CENTCOM. Especially since the post in question was about some general who was lying his ... off about the Iraq War.
Then, Wonky Muse alerted me to the fact that lots of others have been hearing from CENTCOM, too. Darn, I'm not so special as I thought! Oh, reality can be so unpleasant.
Now, I live near Berkeley. So I'm pretty much ready to entertain two or three conspiracy theories before breakfast any day of the week. But even at my most paranoid, in the grand scheme of things CENTCOM'S new hobby doesn't look any worse than a Keystone-Kops attempt to play Big Brother. Heck, I'm glad that SPC Flowers gets the chance to read our immortal postings and similar stuff all day. I wouldn't mind a gig like that, myself.
You know, I have a great idea for how CENTCOM can use their experience spreading the GOOD NEWS to skeptical bloggers. They can start monitoring the sites of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders and every time they see an enthusiastic post about how great the Iraq War is and what an inspired visionary leader President Bush is, they can e-mail the poster and ask them to make posts encouraging people to sign up for the Army to fight in their favorite war.
Anyway, I of course felt duty-bound to check out the exciting informational offerings at CENTCOM's Web site. So I clicked over there today and found all sorts of relevant news about the progress of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
We've got a story about a nice lady librarian in Afghanistan - Kabul, of course, since that's pretty much the only place in the country that Hamid Karzai's four-year-old government actually controls - cheerfully helping soldiers and cadets in the Afghan Army find books in their library. Probably How to Quell Prison Riots in 4 Days or Less was a popular title during that riot by Taliban and Al Qaeda prisoners in the Kabul jail a week or so ago. And the librarian's head gear in the picture on the front page is much nicer than those old burkas the bad Taliban made women wear. This one shows her face all the way from her hairline to her chin, modestly omitting any risque glimpses of neck.
On the front page, we have a slide show with photos of soldiers with their guns and gear standing around in places labelled Iraq and Afghanistan, although it could just as easily be on a base in the US. A couple of the photos have decent enough lighting that you can make out what's in the picture.
From Bagram Air Force Base in Afghanistan, we have a story about that secretive Geneva-Convention-free-zone prison that we have to use to torture people now that those activist judges have started to interfere with operations at Gitmo so much.
No, wait. I was thinking of a story from somewhere else. The CENTCOM story from Bagram is about the nice humanitarian work our soldiers there are doing with the Afghans:
Recently, Soldiers from Task Force Sword visited Mollai and conducted a tri-fold mission to inspect current construction projects for quality control, to conduct a civil affairs assessment of the village and to distribute humanitarian assistance items.
According to TF Sword officials, the main reason for the visit was to inspect the current progress on the construction of a girls' school. The school will educate elementary through high school and will house more than 300 students. The construction of girls' schools is still a new concept in Afghanistan. The Taliban prohibited girls from attending school during its reign.
But, since 2001 when U.S. troops ousted the Taliban, girls schools have been showing up all over the country. (my emphasis)
Ah, isn't that sweet? Yep, it's just like our Dear Leader Bush says, "We like stories, and expect stories, of young girls going to school in Afghanistan. It means a lot to the American people to hear the President say that." And CENTCOM is happy to help get that message out, too!
Actually, all four of the "Latest News" items up as I'm writing this are about Afghanistan. What, no Good News today from Iraq? Oh, I see. In the Press Releases section, the Good News is just rolling in from Mesopotamia.
An IED-making facility destroyed! A hostage freed! A 26-year-old "security detainee" dies - of "natural causes", more specifically cardiac arrest - but only after intensive American efforts to give him the best medical treatments. Heck, hardly a week goes by here in American towns without several 36-year-olds dropping dead from heart attacks out of the blue. (Especially after a few days in "stress positions" and 10 or 20 "water-boarding" sessions.)
There were 18 murder victims found in Baghdad. No info on whether they were Sunni or Shi'a. But the crack Iraqi police are investigating.
And, look! More terrorists captured! Weapons, too! Soldiers bring goodies to needy orphans in Baghdad. Terrorist attack on pipeline foiled! A terrorist fires an IED at a line of cars, but only causes minor injuries. We've probably got most of the deadlier terrorists already in "security detention".
New Iraqi police! Another two terrorists killed! Oh, and the Iraqi Army commander in Baghdad was bumped off. By terrorists, of course. In broad daylight (4:35PM). But, says Maj. Gen. JD Thurman, "He leaves behind a professional and capable fighting force that will continue the fight for Iraqi freedom." (Not on their own without American troops, of course, since there's not a single Iraqi batallion yet that can do that.) Why, that Al Duleimi was just like a brother to Gen. Thurman. (He actually says that.)
Wait, what the [Cheney]? The commander of the Iraqi Army division for the Baghdad area is gunned down in broad daylight? Oh, I guess they inadvertently omitted the fact that he was the commander for the Baghdad area. No "defeatist" speculation over the painfully obvious fact that it had to be an inside job. No, just one of those random terrorist attacks.
As you can see, except for the occasional daily mass murder or the inside-job asssassination of a key Iraqi commander, man, we're just winning all over the place!
It's like Gen. Myers said almost a year ago now, "I think we are winning. Okay? I think we're definitely winning. I think we've been winning for some time." And you know what? I'll bet we can go on winning year after year after year!
Yes, this CENTCOM site is a treasure-trove of information. I think I'm going to have to make regular visits there to try to keep our Blue Voice readers informed of all the Good News in Iraq and Afghanistan. Hey, did I mention we have little girls going to school in Afghanistan? Well, in Kabul at least. Who the heck knows what happening out there in the provinces the warlords run?
Hey, you think CENTCOM would be willing to include a link to The Blue Voice?
Oh, and CENTCOM, if you're reading: I'm already above your maximum age to volunteer, although the maximum has risen twice that I know of since the Iraq War began. So maybe I'll be young enough pretty soon.
But, hey, I'm not some purist liberal whose totally unwilling to sell out. Shoot, nobody's even made me any offers yet. So, for a small fee of, say, $250,000 or so, I'd be willing to take a couple of months and consult with you full-time on ideas of how to make your Web site content more effective and useful. Drop me a line again with the details of your offer, and we'll talk. (P.S., I want an all-expenses-paid Caribbean vacation - no, I don't mean Guantanamo - as part of the deal.)
I don't want to give away valuable ideas for free. But after you've consulted with me, your site will be known throughout the blogosphere as "CENTCOM: The Happy Face of War".
