Save our sacred flag!

Joe Conason is writing about A burning issue on Capitol Hill WorkingforChange.com 06/23/06.

That would be the proposed anti-flag-burning Constitutional Amendment.

You know, I used to worry like Conason about stuff like this with American-flag-burning. You know, free speech, "phantoms of lost liberties" in John Ashcroft's famous phrase, that sort of thing.

But now I would be all for a Constitutional Amendment against burning the American flag. But it's got to be a really tough one. If we're writing flag idolatry into the Constitution, then, by Apollo, let's do it right!

Ban flag-burning, sure. But let's also make it a felony to cheapen or descrate the flag by using it as an item of clothing or a decoration or a bumpersticker. That means the Republicans would have to shed those little American-flag lapel pins they wear on TV.

And displaying the flag at your house or business ought to carefully regulated, too. It should be a felony for anyone to display the American flag unless they can prove they voted in at least one of the last two elections in their precinct. I mean, if they're not patriotic enough to even vote, why should they be allowed to fly our sacred and incomparable flag?

And that goes for songs, too. Dorky country music tributes to the flag, or the National Anthem that mentions the flag, no one should be allowed to sing them - in English or any other language - unless they can also meet the voting requirement. At ball games, people who don't meet the requirement should have to turn their backs to the flag and kneel down to show their contrition and also to identify themselves as godless degenerates.

And while we're at it, let's ban Lee Greenwood's whiny song "God Bless the USA" - you know, "I'm proud to be an American/Where at least I know I'm free". Just because.

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