The Squeeze

I've become a bit of a miser in my middle years. I used to love to spend money, I loved buying clothes and shoes, I would run up enormous credit card bills on new boots, leather jackets, jeans, all the things an average lesbian needs in her wardrobe. After I turned 40, I spent huge sums on anti-aging creams, hair color, and every diet supplement that promised to enable me to lose 5 pounds in a week without giving up cheeseburgers and donuts. There came a point when I was trying to cram some new purchases into my tiny closet, that I realized that I was buying the same black leather jacket, the same black boots, and the same pair of jeans, I owned more outfits than I could wear in a month, and they all looked the same. It was around that same time that I looked in the mirror and realized that no matter how many times I exfoliated, or how much anti-aging cream I applied to my forehead, I could not get rid of the lines in between my brows, and that I would never again look like I was in my twenties, because I just wasn't twenty, I wasn't even thirty. As my closet overflowed with enough jackets and boots to open a leather store, my credit card debt escalated to the point where my monthly payments were only covering the interest on my debt.

So I took out a home equity loan, paid off my credit card, cut up my Mastercard, and I am now on the road to removing my debt. It's amazing how much money my bank offered me on the basis of my home appreciation, in fact, they have offered to keep this line of credit open for 10 years! The amount of money that I can borrow is staggering, I can make these tiny payments and borrow even more if I want. But truthfully, the only thing I want to buy is a big bag of weed (which I can't because it's illegal) and a big block of time to do absolutely nothing but smoke the weed (which I can't, because I have this debt to pay off). I resent the bank for making all of this money available to me. Why do I need all of that money? I will only spend it on clothes that I don't need, and skin care products that will never make me look younger.

Many Americans are in a position worse than mine. There are people who believed in that American Dream even when their credit scores couldn't buy them a dinner at a four star restaurant. They bought those dream homes from sub-prime lenders, and now they find themselves in a desperate version of the American Nightmare. The bankruptcy laws passed by George Bush and his fellow Republican thieves have made it impossible for poor Americans to ever find the way out of debt, and what of us middle-class Americans? Will my desire to spend my way into consumer paradise cost me all of the time I would love to spend doing nothing? Am I selling my soul to the devil in exchange for a lifetime of 12 hour work days?

And I've got to tell you, I'm not poor. If I am feeling the squeeze, bringing home the income that I do, what do those less fortunate than I feel? It's not surprising that average Americans are paying less attention to things like politics and world events, because maybe they're just trying to keep their heads above water. Maybe they realize that the safety net is gone, the money is being sucked up with interest rates, and if they stop for one minute, they will drown in a pool of debt. There is nothing worse than poverty in America, because all around you there are those with good lives, the neighbor's kid has the latest Nikes and the dad drives a Lexus, and somehow you have to explain to your children that they can't go out at night and ride the bike that you worked overtime to give them because some kid who has no bike will steal it, and maybe kill them in the process. What do the poor experience in this country if we, the middle class are feeling the squeeze?

We've got to get back to basic Democratic fundamentals. Fair wages, affordable health care, and parents who can afford to stay at home and raise children. I've worked away the best years of my life, and with all the income I've earned, I can't afford to be out of work for even a month. And of course, it's my own fault for wanting those things that I never needed to buy, but it's also the fault of those banks that lent me the money that I didn't need to spend. For twenty-five years of 60 hour work weeks, I can't afford to take off a week to do absolutely nothing.

And that sucks.

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