Feeling the Cold and Looking on The Bright Side

I finally had to turn on the heat in my house last week. My niece (Colleeney Beenie Weenie, that's what I called her when she was a kid, but she's somehow turned into this worldly 27 year old who lives in her own apartment in New York) came to stay for a few days, and while I don't mind wearing sweaters and a hat around the house during winter, I realized that it's not so polite to ask your house guests to dress in layers. My house is old and drafty, and if I keep the temperature at a comfortable 70 degrees, my gas bill comes in at about $500 per month, and that was last year, before heating oil reached the record high of $3.09 per gallon. Colleeney Beanie is much smaller than me, and does not have the advantage of a thick layer of body fat to keep her warm, so I turned the thermostat up to 65 while she was here. She went back to New York yesterday, so the heat is shut off now, and I'm sitting at my computer in a down vest, long sleeve sweatshirt with a t-shirt underneath, and my Chicago Bears ski cap pulled down over my ears.

My teeth are chattering.

I think nearly all of us realize that we face a climate crisis in the near future, declining natural resources, and a growing population. I've come to the conclusion that we've waited too long to avoid it, and if I live long enough, I will witness first-hand, the chaos resulting from scarce resources and exponential population growth. A short decade ago, I was singing a song called "The Future's So Bright I've Got to Wear Shades", and today my fingers are numb, and I look forward at a future filled with uncertainty. But anyway, nobody ever told us life would be easy, and if they did, they were lying. And while we are powerless to stop the planet from becoming a hostile place to live, maybe there are a few bright points in all of the gloom.

If you are as old as I am, you can look forward to hot flashes. When the natural gas runs out in the middle of winter, those night sweats can come in handy.

The hot summers that last until November can make the winters seem less severe. Spring beginning in February is a good thing.

The lack of drinking water will completely eliminate the problem of bloating, and the scarcity of food will make us all look like super-models.

You don't have to spend a fortune on a summer home. The melting polar caps will bring the ocean right to your backyard.

Or maybe, this global warming thing is just a hoax, and there's absolutely nothing to worry about, go out and buy a Hummer, gas is a bit expensive right now, but the economy is solid, nothing to worry about at all. Exxon Mobile and Shell Oil are looking out for our future.

So get yourselves some shades.

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