Getting in Shape For the Future

I've been riding my bike. I haven't driven my car in a week, not since I drove past the Exxon station and saw the posted price at 3.55 per gallon. I had decided some four weeks ago that I was through with the auto, and made a couple of purchases. I bought an electric scooter (that I immediately wiped out on from popping a wheelie, and am now awaiting some spare parts to get it running again) and a cool urban bicycle with 24 gears, and shocks to shield my forty year old body from the rough terrain of city streets. Since the electric scooter isn't functioning, I've been peddling to work, to the grocery store, and I have to admit, it's tough.

My ass hurts, my back hurts, and I feel every one of those forty years.

My young friend Marcia Ellen has looked into her crystal ball and envisioned a shiny new Big Easy where only the rich will be able to afford to live. I look at the future in a slightly different way. I don't envision anyone buying any real estate that looks out over any major body of water, I think that oceanfront living is already a thing of the past, and suburban sprawl will soon become history, who can afford to commute? Cities will become more crowded and food and fresh water will become scarce, so if you don't know how to cook, I'm suggesting that you learn quickly. If you own property, you may want to remove the landscaping and think about planting some wheat or corn, maybe some tomatoes and cucumbers, something to supplement your food ration. And those unused re-fills of antibiotics? Fill them, and keep them for the time when you will not have the easy co-pay of 10 bucks.

Those skills that they used to teach us like sewing and weaving will come in handy when we can't afford to purchase a winter coat. I can't even sew a button on a shirt, but the dry cleaners will probably go out of business, Mr. Chen will most likely move back to Shanghai where there are a lot of manufacturing jobs.

Oh wow! I just though of something important! Does anyone know how to brew beer? Make chocolate? There are some things that we can't face the future without.

Maybe we can all just sit back and wait for Jesus to come back and save us all. Well maybe you can, but since I'm a homo, Jesus isn't coming back for me. Condi Rice is killing time at the shops in New York, but she assures us all that while we can't count on the Federal Government to save us, Jesus is coming, you can count on that. FEMA's not, but Jesus is.

"Later, at Pilgrim Rest A.M.E. Zion Church in Whistler, Ala., the Rev. Malone Smith Jr. invited Ms. Rice to say a few words.
"The Lord Jesus Christ is going to come on time," she said, "if we just wait."

Hope he gets here faster than FEMA did.

In the meantime, while you're waiting for Jesus, you might want to stock up on a few critical supplies.

Beer and Chocolate are on my list.

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