JonBenet the Sequel

I'm sick of war. I'm sick of George Bush and Joe Leiberman. I'm sick of Hillary and John Kerry. Every time I turn on the news, it seems like the same headlines as the day before. Truck Bomb kills 60. Snipers kill 20. Some terrorist is always blowing himself up, and we always respond by dropping more bombs. The CNN people took the fast train to Lebanon once the action started there, because war is good for news outlets, and we got to see the hot Anderson Cooper in a bullet-proof outfit, looking all macho and stuff. CNN figured that they were pretty safe in Lebanon and Haifa, you'll notice though, none of them will go to Baghdad, cause that sexy little bullet-proof vest on Anderson Cooper won't stop a grenade launcher, or a car filled with explosives. Anyway, the Lebanon story is over for now, except maybe for the war crimes investigations.

The late summer news viewing is a bit like that period of time in between re-runs and the new fall season, when the re-runs have been a few times, and there's no way you could miss them. All of Washington is on vacation, everyone in New York is at the Hamptons. The Congressmen are visiting home districts trying to convince voters that they actually did some work this year. I wonder if the cease-fire in Lebanon happened last week because all of the senior news people had booked places at Martha's Vineyard, and they didn't want to lose the deposit. Usually this time of year, a celebrity dies, (once it was Princess Diana, and then there was John Kennedy,and don't forget that OJ thing that seemed to last a decade) and the networks are able to pull out old video from the archives and have camera crews taking video of famous grieving family members. Or maybe there might be a hurricane. By the end of the summer, America has seen all of the episodes of ER, and some of them twice, and we are ready for the next drama to unfold.

This year, the news networks reached way back into the archives and found America's favorite sick-o mystery, the Jon-Bonet Ramsey Show. They've added a new character to the show, the creepy scary guy who probably didn't commit the crime, but he's made for TV. The new people are filming the Creepy Guy everywhere, he's having press conferences, he's sitting in first class on the plane, drinking martinis and eating lobster. They are re-hashing the horrible details of this poor child's horrible death, and I'm pissed. I didn't watch that crap the first time around, and now here it is again on every channel. Who wants to hear about that the first time? Now it's like one of those slasher film sequels, Freddy 35, or Halloween 200.

Have you ever heard that saying, "No News is Good News"?

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