Define Sexy

I don't normally watch CNN, but my partner A has it on every morning when I get up. I was eating my CoCo Puffs and waiting for my coffee to brew, and I caught a bit of the CNN Morning show. After the daily morning terror report (nothing like a bit of fear to get you going in the morning, plus it's great for ratings) about how to avoid being blown up on the subway, there was a short piece on a new Dove ad campaign featuring some real looking women who weren't a size two. Women in their underwear is a sure way to get my attention, and I grabbed the remote and turned up the volume.

The talking head, Carol Costrello or something like that was speaking to the models in a sort of patronizing tone, as if she really didn't want to be talking to to women who were a size 14, maybe she was one of those skinny cheerleader Alpha Girls in high school, and didn't want to associate with anyone who was not thin. I thought the women were pretty hot, though a bit young and I was happy that they got to participate in something that's normally reserved for those nasty Alpha size 2's. I say you go gurls!

So the talking head finishes the interview with the cute girls, and brings on the CNN expert to further criticize the unpopular girls and make sure that they knew their place, and were not about to feel good about their bodies, because that is one of those things like gay marriage that could completely destroy the very fabric of society. If women are allowed to marry other women, then who will marry all of the geeky men? If women are allowed to feel comfortable about their bodies, then what will we use to shame them? If they don't care how they look, then how will we get them to buy all of the products like slim-fast, or anti aging cream? If women start to become happy without a man's approval, then the Great and Powerful Penis might become diminished.

It might shrink.

So the mean Alpha Anchor on CNN, not wanting the Great and Powerful Penis to become smaller, or lose her elevated status as a size 2, starts talking to the Alpha Expert. This is an excerpt from the transcript.

COSTELLO: And I wanted to get your perspective, too. They seem very proud of what they did. The thing that bothers me about these ads, the women are in their underwear, and I just don't see the point of that. BETTS: Well, I think the point of that is to show their curves off. And I think the point...
COSTELLO: A bathing suit, perhaps?
BETTS: Well, it could have been a bathing suit. I mean, I think the point was to give them sort of, you know -- to expose their curves and to make it look sexy and somewhat natural. I mean, I guess a bathing suit would give a different message, in a way.
COSTELLO: I guess so. The only thing, too, is they're advertising a firming cream. So if you need a firming cream, are you really all that happy about your curves?
BETTS: Well, I don't know. I mean, the thing that struck me about these ads is it's hard to tell what the ad is for when you first see it, because, you know, they're there in their underwear, and it could be an underwear ad. But I also think that -- I agree with them when they talk about the positive message. I think that's really, truly important, and I think that nowadays especially, we're so train to want to look like, you know, a 16-year-old, basically. COSTELLO: A 16-year-old boy.
BETTS: Yes, exactly. And so I think it does send a really great message. I think that it's going to take a while for people to be untrained that way in advertising. So hopefully this will be the beginning of a trend.
COSTELLO: You know what women say to me? And I've talked to a lot women about this, because I thought it was only me. It's the type of underwear they chose to put on these women. It's strange. It doesn't really look like underwear that most women wear.
BETTS: Right, it's neither sexy nor underwear-ish. Yes, that's true. You think they're going to go to the extreme of putting them in their underwear, make it look really sexy.
COSTELLO: Or attractive. And it's not the most attractive thing to be wearing. And if you have a regular body, certainly you can wear attractive clothes?"

When did we allow CNN to tell us what kind of underwear to buy? Maybe Alpha Anchor is bitchy because she is wearing attractive underwear, the kind with the uncomfortable string up your butt-crack, the kind that makes you feel as if you need to be pulling at your butt all day. It's clear that she is offended by the women with body fat since she has called them regular and suggested that they change outfits lest they further offend our embedded idea of what is sexy and what is not.

To the Alpha Size 2's who would use the man's weapon against their sisters, I say be ashamed. I also hope that when they're forty five and have wrinkles and stretch marks from bearing children for the Great and Powerful Penis, he leaves for an 18 year old. Enjoy your lunch of salad with fat-free dressing, I'm having a cheeseburger and a chocolate malt.

Then I'm going to check out these real sexy women.

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