Throw open the doors to the Liars Club owned and operated by the 43rd President of these United States, King George II of Tejas. You've got a new member in good standing, sir.
If you're deceased or you just don't like sports, you've probably heard that Rafael Palmeiro of the Baltimore Orioles has been suspended by Major League Baseball for violating the league's policy on steroid use. Palmeiro tested positive and an independent arbitrator ruled he must serve out his 10 day slap on the wrist suspension which will cost the slugger some $163,934. But don't feel too bad for him, he makes over $3,000,000 a year.
According to the arbitrator, "The evidence in this record is not sufficient for the player to meet his burden of establishing that his positive test result was not due to his fault or negligence." The commission did add that their decision "does not equate to a finding or belief that Mr. Palmeiro, whose testimony was in many ways compelling, was untruthful in his testimony."
Palmeiro, who recently became a member of the exclusive MLB 300-hit/500-homer club (only the 4th person in the history of the sport to do so) had this reaction:
"Why would I do this in a year when I went in front of Congress and I testified and I told the truth?" he said. "Why would I do this during a season where I was going to get to 3,000 hits? It just makes no sense. I would not put my career on the line. I would not put my reputation on the line, everything that I've accomplished throughout my career. I would not do that. I'm not a crazy person."
You might remember that Mr. Palmeiro stood in front of a congressional hearing recently and testified emphatically, "I have NEVER used steroids."
Whatever the case, his former boss with the Texas Rangers, George Bush, stands behind him completely saying, "He's a friend. He testified in public, and I believed him and I still do." Somehow, coming from the man who told us that Iraq had WMD, had harbored 9/11 terrorists, and was ready to drop a nuclear bomb on us, I'm not surprised by his reaction. If there's one thing George W. Bush knows how to do, it's how to reward his faithful friends when they get into trouble. Who knows, he might have a Supreme Court nomination for Palmeiro after the hitter retires. Or at least an ambassadorship somewhere.
There is concern amongst his fans on how this will affect Palmeiro's chances for entering the baseball Hall of Fame after he retires. Should a proven steroid user have his records placed on an equal par with those who never touched the stuff? Well, I'm not sure it makes that much difference personally. You still have to hit a round ball with a round bat safely 3,000 times and I'm doubtful that steroids have much of an effect on doing that. And as far as home runs are concerned, mayhaps they helped out on about 50 or so of his taters, but I don't think overall they made a man such as Palmeiro so strong that his records shouldn't be considered. He belongs in the Hall, which has a number of boozers, drug users, and roughish characters in its midst.
The question is, if Palmeiro didn't know he was ingesting steroids, how did they get into his body so that he tested positive? Was he beamed aboard a UFO and given the drug? Was he slipped a mickey at his local watering hole by a frustrated bartender whom he'd refused an autograph? Did his wife do it when he refused relations with her because he had a headache? All of these possibilities are far more probable than Mr. Palmeiro's taking of the restricted steroids himself. After all, he's an honorable man. He's as least as honorable as John Bolton is a nice guy.
