The Cliffhanger

On TV, the wheels of justice turn much more quickly than they do in Washington, you get the crime, the investigation, the courtroom drama, and the conviction all in the same hour. It's probably why most Americans can't keep up with the Scandal of the Century, the crime happened a while ago, and it's taken all of this time in between to bring it to some kind of conclusion. Most likely half of the population doesn't even know who Karl Rove is, and many of them think Scooter Libbey is a running back for Kansas City. Long movies are hard to sit through, and eating that Super Saver 5 pound tub of popcorn can really F up your digestive system. The Ginormous 64 ounce Coke that comes with it keeps you visiting the loo and missing half of the show.

Maybe if the leading characters looked like George Clooney or Brad Pitt, we might be able to pay attention. If Judith Miller were played by Angelina Jolie, we might cut her a little slack. In Washington, even my delivery guy knows who Karl Rove is, and can have an intelligent conversation about obstruction of justice, but if I call a really good and educated friend in the north suburbs of Chicago, he has no idea even who Scott McClellan is, so every time I try to make a joke about him, my friend doesn't get it. Here in Washington, we are waiting to see if the wheels are truly falling off of the highest office in the nation, and the rest of the country has the remote in hand trying to see who is the next person to get fired from a fake job in a fake company on a stupid pretend reality TV show.

The conclusion of the Plame investigation has been postponed to next week (I hope it doesn't keep me from watching the White Sox win the World Series). Meanwhile, the scandal machine turns in Washington, and once loyal subordinates are turning on the hands that feed them, cause maybe those hands will soon occupy a place at the defense table. Republican congressmen are actually returning money from Delay's slush fund. (I know, when have you ever heard of a Republican refusing money? How funny is that?) But the best show in town today was the comedy of a Senate Homeland Security committee hearing. The one FEMA guy who was actually in NOLA at the Superdome during Katrina testified yesterday. He sent repeated e-mails to Brownie about the dire situation in the Superdome. At one point, in water up to his ankles, trying to avoid the floaters, peeing in the hallway because there were no restrooms, he sent a desperate e-mail requesting at least some toilet paper. Brownie never replied, but his press secretary did, sending a request to the poor FEMA guy for a reservation at a restaurant in Baton Rouge, and asking that Brownie be given more time for his dinner break, before he had to actually go out and do his job.

I wonder just how many of those Americans who were outraged by the neglect of our Homeland Security leaders are actually following the next episode where the truth comes out? Maybe during the Katrina show, they ate that whole 5 pound tub of popcorn, and for the last three weeks have been locked in the toilet trying to produce just one tiny little floater of the sort that the residents of NOLA were wading around in. But when government begins to resemble the Keystone Cops, and Supreme Court Justice nominees look astonishing like Judge Judy, it's time to put down the remote and tune into the real reality show.

I'm thinking that Season Five of the Bush Administration is going to be riveting.

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