If George W. Bush were a True Christian

If George W. Bush were a true Christian, this would be a much different country. What would happen if our lackluster President woke up tomorrow and decided to follow the teachings of his Lord and savior, Jesus Christ? Just how different would things be? Let's take a look.

We can be certain that a True Christian would most certainly end the war in Iraq. Troops would be given their orders to come home immediately. What might surprise you, however, is that all our troops would come home. I mean every last one of them from all 175 countries they are "visiting" right now. Why? A True Christian would never sanction the use of violence (Matthew 26:52). Our newly enlightened President would wisely oversee the transition of our soldiers back into civilian life. Ahh, well, Jesus will be back any day now so why sweat it?

After President Bush ordered the troops home, he would probably go to some lengths to explain to the public why the Global War on Terror (GWOT) must end. First of all, the President is certainly in no position to judge the acts of a madman who supported the terrorist attacks on this country nearly five years ago (Matthew 7:1). But even if he did stoop to our level and determined that Osama Bin Laden and his friends are evil, he wouldn't dare oppose them (Matthew 5:39). True Christians don't oppose evil. If you blow up one of our buildings, we'll just build another one for you to blow up. Earlier Christians turned the cheek, we build buildings. Christianity lives on.

Bush would then inform the public of his sweeping new changes to Social Security: Complete abolition of the program immediately. No, he doesn't want to privitize it. He has seen the folly in planning and preparing for the future (Matthew 6:25-34 and Luke 12:22-31). President Bush has faith that God will provide. He, of course, also liquidates and donates any pension plan he might have.

President Bush would then begin to actively eliminate his wealth (Luke 14:33, Matthew 19:21, Luke 12:33, Luke 11:41, Matthew 6:19-21, Mark 10:23, Matthew 19:23-24). He would give it all away. Every last dime, every piece of property. It would become the communal property of all Christians (Acts 2:44-45 and Acts 4:34-37). I plan on getting in line early to get that little

As the populace becomes more uncomfortable with the President's sudden religious transformation, he seeks to put them at ease. We need not fear from people like Osama Bin Laden or any other bad group of people out there--not that the president judges others to know if they're bad people out there. "Simply by following my lead, " he tells them, "you will inherit the most amazing powers. You will be able to cast out devils, speak in new languages, pick up deadly snakes and drink any vile poison and it won't hurt you! Best yet, you will be able to simply put your hands on sick people and they will heal! (Mark 16:17-18). With his characteristic smirk, the chimp would tell us how silly it is to be scared of some nut in a cave when you can go into the hospital and heal everyone in about an hour. By demonstration of his powers, President Bush would move the mountainous region of Afghanistan to the Arctic(Matthew 17:20). Nothing's impossible when you're a True Christian.

But that's not all! Those were just the inherent powers of someone who believes. That's just what you get once you start believing! But if you actually want something--anything!--you just "Ask, and it shall be given" to you (Matthew 7:7-8, Luke 11:9-10). That's how cool God really is. You're probably wondering why a True Christian like President Bush would bother asking God for anything since he can do anything he wants anyway. It helps humble him.

Those are just some of the changes that President George W. Bush would affect in his life based on the teachings of Jesus. Sadly many of these teachings are ignored by most Christians. When they aren't ignored they are usually reinterpreted to mean something totally different from the clear meaning. But a True Christian would follow these edicts with all the power and sincerity their body could lend them. A True Christian would take the teachings of Jesus very seriously. And, in the spirit of great punk band Reagan's Youth: Jesus was a Communist! Jesus was a Pacifist!

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